Forgive and Forgive

Vulnerability is risky.

Will they understand? Will they agree? Will my words cause them pause? Will they read and shake their heads, She is hopeless?

Hurt People Hurt People, the 1993 book by Sandra D. Wilson, Ph.D. came to mind when I remembered the incident. My friend challenged me and it hurt. But as I thought about the situation, I realized my friend probably hurt as well—and that hurt was passed on. 

Yes, the words hurt. Truly.

But I perceived holes in the logic; missing links that were never provided. 

I didn’t challenge; I didn’t defend. 

The choice was mine. Push for the whole truth—or trust God to let His truth flow in His timing.

I chose the latter. And I forgave.

It was silent forgiveness—between God and me. Possibly never realized by the forgiven one.

It was real forgiveness—even though words were never voiced.

I forgave—for my sake, to keep me from becoming a victim.

Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? … Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy time seven.” Matthew 18:21, 22.

IF, my friend comes and asks forgiveness, I will forgive again—for my friend’s sake. Forgive and forgive.

But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with another, and the blood of Jesus cleanses us from all sin. (I John 1:7)

If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. (I John 1:8)

Several things are happening in my heart:

·       ***When I forgive, I am no longer the victim. I am the beloved child of my heavenly Father seeking to walk in the light; my fellowship with him intact.

·      *** Forgiveness is first between me and God.

·      *** In most circumstances there is a kernel of truth, a place where I need to be forgiven.

·      *** Bringing a forgiveness story into the light has ministered to others. Others who are walking in their own hurt. Others who in some cases cannot ask forgiveness; the offender is dead. No-one wants to be a victim. Forgiveness received cancels victim status.

·     ***  Sometimes reconciliation will never happen. That takes two. Forgiveness does not depend on reconciliation. 

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.                       (I John 1:9)