Pornography, Food Addictions, Comparison ~ A Grace Story

It didn’t feel like a grace story. 

                                     

It felt like a battle; another battle in my area of vulnerability. 

me and Ruthie

Whether pornography, food, comparison, or, or, or—they share a common root. My friend Ruthie Delk says, “No matter what emotional hole you are sitting in you probably got there by believing lies.” Craving Grace, p 108.

The common root … the lies planted deep in our souls by the father of lies. John 8:44.

Comparison, springing from a lie, is a vulnerability for me … still! 

I’m a child of God; you’re a child of God; each with a God-ordained purpose—isn’t that enough to crush those controlling lies? No.

Crushing the lies, freedom over sin will be reality when I meet the Lord face-to-face. 

Now I live in the reality of neediness; the propensity to believe that I’m not good enough will always be with me. And, the Lord’s presence with his words of reassuring truth are with me as well. 

Freedom from sin, victory in the moment, is possible. 

I’m part of a small cohort, a group of friends who are learning what it looks like to trust God with who He created us to be. Last week some were sharing about struggles with pornography and with food. I’m listening and thinking, I see a pattern. The fruit we are experiencing is different; the root is the same. The root - lies. My fruit is often comparison.

Recently I was sitting in on a presentation on spiritual rest. I knew I was walking into my place of vulnerability—but my motive was right. Vulnerabilities and motives are not equal. 

My friend commented, Sue, you courageous woman. Walking into your hard. I will be praying for you. 

Two things were going for me: I was aware; I knew I might struggle. And I came into the light with my friend; she was praying. Good things. But enough?

“Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil.” Ephesians 6:11. There are no cracks in God's custom-made armor.

Knowing is not the same as trusting. I knew me. I knew my friend was praying. So now I can confidently go ahead with my plan—not!

My confidence was based on knowing, not trusting. 

God wanted my trust! 

God longed to be my rescuer, to lift me out of those vulnerable places.

Three words remind me of my need—my NEED, not just good suggestions: repent, realize, and request.

·       Repent – Admit I can’t go it alone.

·       Realize – I need friends to go with me.

·       Request – God’s presence as well—trust.

Is it realistic to live my life protecting myself from all that might tempt? No. But I can strive to live in such a way that I trust God and others and allow them to protect me.

God’s grace reminded; trusting trumps.

Two books I'm living in recently.

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”                                                                        Proverbs 3: 5 and 6

Alive

The quiet restaurant with high backed booths offered the perfect setting, the privacy we needed to get reacquainted.

My cousin and I couldn’t remember the last time we were together—well over 40 years ago.

We started with small talk learning about each other’s families. It morphed into what we’ve been doing, she a marriage and family counselor, me Navigator staff and basket lady. Cautiously we began to trust each other and our conversation dove deeper—beyond the whats to who we are. That’s when we made an amazing discovery.

Beyond our kinship, beyond being moms and grandmas, we were black sheep.

We both grew up near the Atlantic and both moved west—away from our families, away from Thanksgiving tables, away from summer days at the shore, and other traditions that claimed our family identity. So we began to believe we were the black sheep.

Really?  We laughed. 

“He took on his own shoulders the sin of the many, he took up the cause of all the black sheep.”                 Isaiah 53:12, The Message Bible

He, Jesus, took up my cause. On that awful Good Friday he went to the cross for my black sheep status, for my sin, for not believing who I really am.

"... they shall be white as snow ..." Isaiah 1:18

On Easter morning, glorious, victorious, resurrection. He is risen; He is risen indeed. We testify to that truth as we greet each other on Resurrection Sunday. Because of the cross, because of the resurrection I have a brand new identity.

And I need to remind myself of that every day! Romans 6:4 says, “just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life.” 

What for me does a new life walk look like? Whether Friday, or Sunday, or Tuesday, or Thursday, I review truth; I remember who I am. I am not a black sheep of my family (I was the only one who thought that) or of God’s family.  

*I am a beloved child of God.                                                                                                                                                                                                     *I am chosen and consecrated.                                                                                                                                                                                                                   *I am known and belong.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      *I am righteous and holy.                                                                                                                                                                                                 *I have purpose.                            

                                                                                                                                                                    *I live in an environment of grace.  

I must access these truths every day! Forgetting is easy.

“So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus.”                                   Romans 6:11, ESV (Italics mine)

Please click over to Mundane Faithfulness for another testimony of Jesus is Alive.

Embrace the Grace ~ Tuesday Grace Letter

I wasn’t sure I wanted to link up with Kara this week.

“Dream big, pray big, and anticipate grace this summer.” That was the assignment.

This summer could look different than our dreams and anticipations.

But that pray big phrase admonishes. And am I really anticipating grace this summer? Or am I living in a place of I don’t think it will look like we hoped or planned. 

Henri Nouwen writes in Compassion, “We do not have to go after crosses, but we have to take up the crosses that have been ours all along.”

And therein is the other reason I wasn’t sure I wanted to link up this week. Our family is not battling cancer. My cross seems puny. Does anyone really want to hear?

And then God whispers,

“When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise.” II Corinthians 10:12b NIV

Our cross rests with my husband’s back surgery last Valentine’s Day. He is not healing like we thought. Pain is a daily reality. Walking is slow; bending is very slow; roads with bumps (all of them) are almost intolerable.

And we are campers.

Cabin in Progress

Also we are building a small cabin in the mountains, The Sanctuary. Yes, We. Are. Building it. Our Amish friends put up the shell for us. From the outside it looks finished. On the inside not so. We’ve experienced much fun working together. Bill became an electrician; I’ve learned to use a power saw. That was last summer. Our do-list for this summer loomed big. But we looked forward to the next challenges.

Our summer dreams included making significant progress on our Sanctuary AND taking our pop-up camper on vacation. 

Will those things happen?

The dreams are there. The anticipation of grace was not. Conviction! And where has my prayer life been?

This week, Holy Week, the week leading to Easter reminds of the HARD of Jesus’ reality as He walked toward the cross. Jesus embraced the grace. He walked toward the last supper with his friends; he walked into the betrayal of Judas and the denial of Peter; he walked toward the trial that convicted him; he walked to the cross; all the time embracing the grace of resurrection.

As I walk toward summer, where are my eyes? Where is my heart? Where is my focus? Is it on the disappointment that I think will characterize the summer? Or is it on the God of grace who knows how to redeem even when I can’t see it?

                                                                                                              

The details of the summer are foggy. God’s presence is reality. I’m turning my focus to God. I want to embrace the grace.

“… My grace is sufficient for you …”                                                                                                                            II Corinthians 12:9