Fertilizer and Desire

It’s spring—the time of year for fertilizer.

Perhaps that’s why the fertilizer word came to mind a year ago. It was spring.

Restlessness, spiritual restlessness and desire characterized my then and birthed the metaphor of fertilizer.  What would it look like for me to sow spiritual fertilizer into my life at this point? I want to grow spiritually, strong and healthy like the welcoming green of our front yard.

Not a new desire, but it was a desire I wanted to give attention to; a desire I could voice.

Bill laughed at my metaphor but supported my desire.  Bless him.

So the journey began.

Have you ever visited a gardening store in the spring? The choices, the brands rival the cereal aisle at the grocery story! The closer I think I am to the decision of which will satisfy morning hunger, another grabs my attention. It can be overwhelming.

And so it was as I began answering the question, what is the best spiritual fertilizer at this point? 

I researched.                                                                                                                                                                               I prayed.                                                                                                                                                                                            I counseled with trusted friends. 

                                                                                                                                                                     I considered many options.

Possibly a certificate in Spiritual Direction. I knew of several programs. Friends had followed this course for their spiritual growth and spoke so highly. It was tempting.

Maybe a certificate from Denver Seminary (just an hour up the road) in Spiritual Formation. Many things attracted me to this possibility.

Spring gave way to summer. June, July, August … nothing seemed quite right. Reluctantly, I put my search to rest.

Then in mid-October the invitation arrived. 

was starting a certificate program, CHTL. The Certificate in High Trust Leadership, primarily an online program, involving three videos a week, participating in a cohort discussion, connecting with a local friend weekly to discuss the topic, and reporting to a cohort leader. I was invited to be part of the Beta group.

Even though I was aware that this program was being created, it never occurred to me that I would be asked to participate. Surprisingly (to me), I was neutral.

It was three weeks before I said yes, count me in.

CHTL started in January; and after a spring and summer break, it will conclude in November.

Flashback:

“The righteous flourish like the palm tree and grow like a cedar in Lebanon. They are planted in the house of the LORD; they flourish in the courts of our God. They still bear fruit in old age; they are ever full of sap and green, to declare the LORD is upright; he is my rock, and there is no unrighteousness in him.” Psalm 92:12-15

Okay, I’m not that old. 

This is a scripture I’ve prayed for myself for 15 years. It expresses my heart, to continue to bear fruit … even in old age.

Just before our  CHTL spring break, we were listening to lectures from Romans and pondering the truths espoused there particularly that as a believer, I am righteous. 

I am righteous.

WOW! Although true since the day of my salvation, I never noted it.

I am loved, consecrated, chosen, purposed, and more. But righteous?

The light bulb almost blinded.

I want to grow.                                                                                                                                                                                  I want to bear fruit.

                                                                                                                                                              And who is it that does that? The righteous.      

                                                                                                                                                            How had I missed that?

Five months after deciding that CHTL was God’s fertilizer, the tentacles of truth reached from Romans and many other scriptures and bore fruit in my life. 

CHTL was the fertilizer and the answer to my prayer. As I discovered many verses where God calls me righteous, Psalm 92 included, God spoke, Sue, you want to bear fruit. It is the righteous who do that … even in old age. Sue, you are that righteous one.

CHTL is being a phenomenal growth opportunity for me. The next session starts in September. Might you be interested in joining me on this incredible faith-stretching journey? Check out this link for a glimpse, http://vimeo.com/user20289772/review/79316738/110445cfb2

“and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith—“                                  Philippians 3:9

Pornography, Food Addictions, Comparison ~ A Grace Story

It didn’t feel like a grace story. 

                                     

It felt like a battle; another battle in my area of vulnerability. 

me and Ruthie

Whether pornography, food, comparison, or, or, or—they share a common root. My friend Ruthie Delk says, “No matter what emotional hole you are sitting in you probably got there by believing lies.” Craving Grace, p 108.

The common root … the lies planted deep in our souls by the father of lies. John 8:44.

Comparison, springing from a lie, is a vulnerability for me … still! 

I’m a child of God; you’re a child of God; each with a God-ordained purpose—isn’t that enough to crush those controlling lies? No.

Crushing the lies, freedom over sin will be reality when I meet the Lord face-to-face. 

Now I live in the reality of neediness; the propensity to believe that I’m not good enough will always be with me. And, the Lord’s presence with his words of reassuring truth are with me as well. 

Freedom from sin, victory in the moment, is possible. 

I’m part of a small cohort, a group of friends who are learning what it looks like to trust God with who He created us to be. Last week some were sharing about struggles with pornography and with food. I’m listening and thinking, I see a pattern. The fruit we are experiencing is different; the root is the same. The root - lies. My fruit is often comparison.

Recently I was sitting in on a presentation on spiritual rest. I knew I was walking into my place of vulnerability—but my motive was right. Vulnerabilities and motives are not equal. 

My friend commented, Sue, you courageous woman. Walking into your hard. I will be praying for you. 

Two things were going for me: I was aware; I knew I might struggle. And I came into the light with my friend; she was praying. Good things. But enough?

“Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil.” Ephesians 6:11. There are no cracks in God's custom-made armor.

Knowing is not the same as trusting. I knew me. I knew my friend was praying. So now I can confidently go ahead with my plan—not!

My confidence was based on knowing, not trusting. 

God wanted my trust! 

God longed to be my rescuer, to lift me out of those vulnerable places.

Three words remind me of my need—my NEED, not just good suggestions: repent, realize, and request.

·       Repent – Admit I can’t go it alone.

·       Realize – I need friends to go with me.

·       Request – God’s presence as well—trust.

Is it realistic to live my life protecting myself from all that might tempt? No. But I can strive to live in such a way that I trust God and others and allow them to protect me.

God’s grace reminded; trusting trumps.

Two books I'm living in recently.

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”                                                                        Proverbs 3: 5 and 6