Thursday, March 26, 2015

My Friends, My Mirror

Just when I thought I had found my place, reached my potential, was living my destiny, that old voice, the little liar garbed in new clothes returned.

It started with truth. It needed to build the case. Sue, you see it now. She is not who you thought. Those titles, those opportunities - don't be fooled. Her real, her insecure real, her shame hides beneath.

I saw the titles; I saw the position; I saw the rank; I saw the surface and I believed. From my distance, all seemed well, even enviable.

But then the distance shortened, and I observed cracks. Her real oozed out. The not-so-obvious became obvious. 

I was frustrated and cynical. But I smiled, I am not her.

The little liar smiled too. He knew he had me fooled, ensnared, one foot entrapped.

With my one foot snared, I plod on pulling the weight, ignoring the hurt of the teeth clamped to my foot.

The little liar thinks, okay, another angle, another friend. 

The phone conversation is long full of details. Just decide, I think, it's no big deal. 

I tapped "end call". Again frustrated and cynical. How glad I am to not be trapped in the people-pleaser mode like my friends. 

The little liar smiles BIG. The second trap is about to snap shut. 

Two friends, two different chapters, two unique situations. The same response.

I'm exposed.

I too stumble along the people-pleasing, God-pleasing path. The pebbles sometimes slippery, the rocks sometimes trip-able.

I wanted to help THEM see the light. 

Then the still small voice, another whisper aching to be heard, Sue, you need to see the light!

I crumbled and fell. I remembered truth and repented. I crawled through the tall weeds of the pleasing path to the soft grass of the trusting path - a-GAIN. 

The little liar crumbled and fell too; defeated by the still small voice. 

God used my friends as mirrors. For a while the mirror was foggy, but as truth blew across it, I saw myself, not my pretty self. And I knew.

"You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye,
and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye."
Matthew 7:5

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