It's Okay to Cry

I tore into the box of tissues strategically placed on the cushion at the end of the pew before the service ever started. 

I had to. 

They couldn't have been more perfect.

The sanctuary spoke of Kara. Simple-one floral arrangement and one family picture, inviting, full, very full of friends-special friends and I'm sure some Kara never met. Her words on the big screen, a message all by themselves.

The absence of suffering in my life is not my good. The nearness of God is my great, great GOOD.

Oh how hard to grasp.

Several shared the platform; each a special friend to Kara; each with a specific message. Although often needing to pause, each directed our hearts to our good God-the way Kara wanted.

One shared ... he was 9 years old when his mother died of cancer. The older, wiser ones admonished, don't cry. Be a big boy. Now this "big boy" is a man and he communicated so well to Kara's littles, it's okay to cry.

His words rang true for me too. I've always cried easily. I remember those well-meaning-but-impossible-to-abide-by-words.

When our firstborn came home, I sat in the kitchen and cried. I heard, now what's the matter? The words stung as if my tears were unacceptable. 

I've cried at countless memorial services. And I always make sure I have a clean white lace hankie with me when we go to weddings.

I cried big, loud tears on our deck one summer day mourning a loss I didn't expect to gain ... or did I?

The tears flowed this morning as God and I spoke of Jason and the precious children Kara left behind. 

Life is hard.
God's ways are mysterious.
We don't get it.

It's okay to cry. 

But in the midst of my wet cheeks, tears blurring my vision, I need to remember, I need to trust.

"I am my beloved's, and his desire is for me." 

Song of Solomon 7:10

"... If God is for us, who can be against us?"

Romans 8:31b

And I need to remember, I need to trust the love, grace, wisdom, and kindness he embodies.

from Kara's bulletin

"For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known."

I Corinthians 13:12

"He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away."

Revelation 21:4