Thursday, September 6, 2012

Me and God; Me and Others

I don’t remember my first thought after my physical birth. I do remember my first thought after my new birth; my prayers are reaching higher than the ceiling!

That amazing, freeing, joy-filled, simple thought spoke of me and my relationship with God with no baggage. It was complete, full, enough.

Then something happened over the years.
            Amazing turned into normal.
            Freedom turned into duties.
            Joy turned into dissatisfaction.
            Simplicity turned into complications.
Me and my relationship with God turned into me and others and what those others thought of me and God.

I know why it happened. My old baggage came with me into my new relationship. Some of that baggage wore the labels of success and popularity as the keys to life. It happened because the respect I held for some of my new friends caused me to put them on pedestals, rather wobbly pedestals. And it happened because early leadership opportunities in my new Christian community gave me a false sense of security.

Early on I knew there was a problem—discontentment plagued me. I tried to fix myself; I treated the symptoms with Bible study, scripture memory, even preparing talks to teach others about discontentment. Those good things buried my issues even deeper.

Finally I experienced my own personal volcano. God had my attention.
GOOD – I realized I couldn’t fix myself.
BAD – My plan: I don’t care; I will grin, pretend all is well, and bear my cross.

God allowed me to work my plan for a while, a long while, about two years. Then he gently began to intervene. He shattered me with his love. He told me of my identity. He whispered his desires for me in my ear. His word came alive again.

As I began to believe and receive his message, everything changed. The amazing, freeing, joyful simplicity crept back.

“You don’t see life the same. But the stories we tell ourselves can run deep. It’s one thing to have a profound experience, and it’s quite another to kill a lie that’s served you a long time. Especially a lie you’ve used to cope. Until you see God right, you’ll keep going back there”.  The Cure, page 42

“But to all who received him, to those who believed in his name,
he gave the right to become children of God—“
John 1:12


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