Thursday, February 12, 2015

That *#*#%** Airport

Now I laugh. It wasn't funny then.

I was more than frustrated that early morning in Florida, I.was.angry! And those gate agents ... who also worked the counter knew it. As did anyone else who was there and awake that dawn.

The business trip morphing into a ministry trip (or a ministry trip partially disguised as business) started well enough. Connections happened, revenue was generated, partnerships deepened. Now I was off to a collegiate ministry conference.

Then the hinge.

My friend drove me to the small airport that morning. The line was short--no surprise there. Luggage checked, boarding pass in hand, we (this was before 911) headed for the fake-leather upholstered seats in the waiting area.We continued to talk business while we waited ... and waited.

I glanced at my watch, surely anytime now they will announce my flight.

Nothing. Silence except for the man snoring a few seats down.

Again I check my watch and this time looked out to the tarmac. A small plane, my small plane, was pulling away from the gate!
Okay, it wasn't quite as small as this Cessna. My husband Bill is on the left.
I rush to the gate agent. Sorry, too late. "I never heard the boarding announcement", my irritation obvious. "No, you wouldn't have. Our PA system is broken."

*#*#%**. My frustration (really not that mild) exploded. I.was.mad!

As I look back on that incident, I have new understandings. Missing the plane wasn't my biggest issue.

Missing the plane was the trigger that ignited my shame; ignited that old lie I had come to believe about myself, I'm not good enough.
GRAND, Judah doing a pre-check before going up with Papa.

At that ministry conference I had one responsibility, greeting. That was my role, the hat I was to wear that weekend. Missing the original flight stripped me of what made me look like a somebody.

It was unconscious, but the ember of that lie were close enough to the surface to catch oxygen and burst into flames of anger.

That was the real issue.

Oh, I covered it up well enough (or at least I think I did). I smiled. I told my story in a calm voice. But inside the fire of shame was hot.

This incident also highlighted a second truth about me and I was totally missing the bright, flashing yellow light.

"We carry this precious Message around in the unadorned clay pots of our ordinary lives." 
II Corinthians 4:7, MSG

My belief system told me that because I didn't have a job to do providing a hat to wear (like greeter), I was value-less. I was not good enough.

"It is clear to us friends, that God not only loves you very much but also has put his hand on you for something special. ... Your lives (not your role) are echoing the Master's Word."
I Thessalonians 1, MSG, underlines and parentheses mine.

Sue, it's your life, who you are, Jesus in you who loves and ministers through you. Not what you do or what hat you wear.

I was not trusting truth. OUCH!
I felt I needed to create a persona, rather than be who God created me to be.

I was not trusting the truth, because my circumstances were shouting so loudly, truth totally eluded me. OUCH! OUCH!

I'm learning to listen. What might these emotions, these re-actions, these flashing yellows be trying to communicate? 

My unresolved sin of believing that lie caused me to focus on another (the gate agent) and their issue of the broken PA system and try to hide what was true about me (I was living out of a faulty belief system).

Now it's so clear. Now I can laugh ... until next time anyway. 

What are the lies that lead you into emotions and re-actions that are big yellows for you? What helps you re-claim truth? Do you see the pattern?

"This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased; listen to him."
Matthew 17:5

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