How Long?

The question looms eternally. How long do I have to wait until ______________. Fill in the blank; the options are endless.

The book I’m reading and pondering poses the question this way, How long does it take for your soul to recognize your life is full?

How long does it take for my soul to recognize my life is full? My quick answer is a lifetime. I wonder if I’m normal.

I know I’m growing. J

I have times when my life feels very full. J

I still have moments – sometimes long moments. L

My more thoughtful answer … life is a journey; there have been some significant journey changers along the way for me. Each ushers me one step closer to realizing my life is full.

Up until 1996 God was setting the stage. I was learning and in some ways experiencing my passions; I was moving in right directions; but I looked around me and was unhappy. In my eyes my life did not line up with my heart. My soul was not registering a full life. How long?

I quit! I decided to put on a “happy mask” and pretend my life was full. I wanted you to believe it too – not good. Thankfully God overruled.

The twenty-first century arrived and I noticed changes in what I was hearing from God. I was beginning to identify specific reasons for my unhappiness – the lies I believed about myself. Jesus says, I am the way, the truth and the life…(John 14:6). I began listening to truth from Jesus. Something in me began transforming. It felt good.

The journey continues. How long? Sometimes I encounter potholes. Henri Nouwen encourages me that they are expected. He refers to these potholes as getting off on the side of the road; you know you’re there, just return to the road.

The eyes of my soul are seeing.

The eyes of my soul are trusting.

The eyes of my soul are beginning to recognize a full life.

“Do not be conformed to this world,

But be transformed by the renewal of your mind, …”

Romans 12:2a