Thursday, November 11, 2010

I'm not Good Enough, or Am I?

I grew up believing that I was not good enough.  I had plenty of evidence to support it.  From not being invited to the elite Girl Scout camp in junior high to trying out for the color guard in high school and not making the cut and into college and my adult years, circumstances led me to believe the lie that I was not good enough.  It was very hurtful, but I knew nothing else.

During my college years I was introduced to reading and studying the Scriptures in a new way, as if they were a personal message from God to me.  I remember hearing John 1:12 and learning that I was a child of God.  I was part of the family.  Christianity was about a relationship, not just a religion.  And Psalm 139 said I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  WOW! 

These were great thoughts.  They were true thoughts.  I loved what they conveyed.  But they didn’t touch that BIG lie that I was so trained to believe, I am not good enough.  Actually for many years I didn’t even think that there was a connection between their truth and my lie.

About ten years ago all that began to change.  Transformation began as I learned to TRUST that truth!  When I realized that God was speaking the truths of His Word to me to change my life, something began to happen.  My default was slowly becoming, “I am fearfully and wonderfully made” and other Scriptures that speak of God’s picture of me. 

Every morning one of my prayers became, “God what would it look like for me to trust this truth today?”  … to live like I really believe it?  The lie was beginning to slip away.  God was doing something and it was “very good”.

But there was the shadow side.  As I was learning to believe that I am good enough … after all I am God’s creation and part of His family, there were contexts where I knew I was good enough.  I had a contribution to make and I was blessing those I was involved with.  Ahhhh, do you hear the pride?

“God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble”.  I experienced God’s faithfulness to me as He exposed my proud heart to me.  It all began one spring when I volunteered to be involved in one of those contexts where I knew I was good enough.  I was flabbergasted when my offer was turned down!  I was hurt.  I was embarrassed.  It was their problem, or so I thought. 

Light dawned slowly over the next years as I pondered that situation.  I began to realize that this was the other side of the same issue.  In situations where I was feeling I was good enough, I began to realize that this too was a trust issue.  I was trusting in myself for my ministry; I was trusting in my gifting; I was trusting in my training.

Just as I need to trust God for who He created me to be, I also need to trust God for how I live out that creation, trust applied to ministry as well as my personal life.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”   Proverbs 3:5,6


  1. Are we related???

    I've felt that way, too! I was amazed when I first realized that God was good and that He decided I was worthwhile!

  2. This has been very hard for me too. The extremes of shame & pride. It helps when I confess aloud truth of who God says I am in Christ. I'm reminded of the saying "we are human beings not human doings." Proverbs 3:5-6 is my life verse. Believing God & Breaking Free studies by Beth Moore have helped me separate the lies from the truth.