Blowing My Cover

Eighty-five mph winds coming off the mountains—enough speed to earn a ticket on the interstate. 

The talk on the hospital corridors, the roof blew off last night! My husband Bill lay on the 7^th floor recovering from back surgery 4 floors below that roof over the 11^th; he felt the sway. I witnessed the carnage; the once beautiful park-like setting created to offer solace filled with junk.

Truth exaggerated. Reality, the ventilating system flew from the roof. The cover on the hospital remained.

Not an exaggeration, God blew my cover this week. 

Behind the Mask, a quick read exposing the three part process of sin brought the incident to mind and chiseled away my comfort.

With great clarity, I remembered a coffee date that a friend invited me to. I was un-expecting of the ulterior motive. Her words surprised; I hurt. A personal perceived strength bull-dozed. Really?

I believed myself innocent so I managed the situation with denial, blame, and control. I didn’t plan it, it just happened—an involuntary response. 

My response morphed into self-protection and pride. I fashioned a shield designed to ward off the hurt. She owns the real problem, not me. I’m the more mature, the better person. I’ll not bring it up again. I’ll smile and be friendly when our paths cross. I’ll dig in my heels and hold on to my rightness. And I’ll avoid the territory she spoke of—territory I previously flourished in. Control takes many forms.

How could I be so lambasted? I was pre-occupied with me!

As I remember that situation, in God’s amazing tenderness, he gently reminded me of a few other scenarios. 

My cover was blown. 

Another friend shared she has compulsive-reactionary patterns; she is stubbornly resistant to change. She needed to come to the place where she trusted God to mature her out of the wonderful change he already created in her years ago. 

Like my friend, I have no power to deal with sin, my own sin or sin done against me. I cannot change on my own. Sin’s involuntary responses and inevitable effects are strong, very strong. 

I must let go of unreal expectations and trust God—the only stronger one—to mature me.

I love this truth from Isaiah 42:16, “I will lead the blind (those with blind spots) in a way that they do not know, in paths they have not known I will guide them. I will turn the darkness before them into light, the rough places into level ground. These are the things I do, and I do not forsake them” (parentheses and underlines mine).

Father, please continue to guide me to my blind spots. Thank you that you will not forsake me. Amen.

The cover on the hospital remains intact. My cover was shattered. I am thankful for both.

“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”                                               Romans 8:1

PS. If you are interested, here is a link to the high wind story:

http://www.krdo.com/news/wind-damages-penrose-hospital/-/417220/24501918/-/64mjr1z/-/index.html

Me or God?

Concatenation.

A few Sundays ago a friend asked me about a new program at our church. I knew nothing about it.

Although her question was tinged with a bit of frustration, it was appropriate. And I too was irritated, not by the question, but that it even needed to be asked. Why didn’t we know about this program?

No problem. I knew the people to ask, the necessary connections to make. I knew how to please God. I could get the answer.

Irritation and peace—they are not bed-fellows. “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives…” John 14:27 (italics mine). And therein was the problem. My clear-to-me solution was following the path of the world. Just get the answer. I knew enough to give this issue a bit of time.

Two days later in the midst of doing errands ruminating over her question and my plan, the Lord brought to mind Romans 4:20 and 21, “No distrust “made him waver concerning the promise of God…” (italics mine). I thought about God’s promises for her, those generic and specific-at-the-same-time words. God promised a good plan for her. God promised that He adopted her for His purpose. No distrust…

That left me with a question: was I going to trust those promises, those words from God? Or was I going to push ahead with my own plan?

My plan, the do-er, pleaser plan was taking the easier path of control. The way of trust is often the more difficult way.

There was a big part of me that wanted to do my plan, to quickly bring closure. But what was I going to do with that niggling lack of peace?

The do-er pleaser part of me was also a selfish part. I wanted to take control, to receive the credit. YUCK!

In the end, the peace that comes from trust won.  Ahhhh, I could breathe again.

Concatenation? 

Lately I’d been pondering the difference between pleasing God and trusting God. And as God so often does he linked together life-experience with spiritual truth.

“And without faith (trust), it is impossible to please him…”                                                                     Hebrews 11:6