Ever Green

We live in Black Forest, Black Forest Colorado that is.

Our neighbor's home burned to the ground.

Three Junes ago this very week wildfire threatened our forest consuming 14,000 acres of pines. Black sticks, once lovely Ponderosa Pines, a forever reminder. The 100 year fire left many of our roads including one we often drive a moonscape.

As I turn right onto our road, my breath catches, I inhale a deeply. The green still stands. Slowly I exhale and bow in awe. So very close!

Our road, our home, our view charred but spared.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mana's Writing Room, the re-purposed bedroom on our main floor is my place. My desk, my computer, the bookshelves all claim their space. A writer can't write without tools. The pines close to the windows a piece of creation informing my creations.

My most essential piece of furniture, my comfy overstuffed chair is angled toward the triple windows framing those 80 year old Ponderosa Pines; tall, beautiful, cone-bearing evergreens. My fingers would never touch the keyboard if it wasn't for that comfy chair, the place where my writing begins.

One hundred miles south is our small cabin we call *The Sanctuary. It sits in an in-holding of the San Isabel National Forest. Evergreens abound.

Last week at The Sanctuary I sat in another overstuffed chair gazing out a sliding glass door at the cone-bearing Cedars and the Pines. The sky overcast; the temperatures more late fall the summer. The message the same.

Evergreens ever green. Small brown cones on some; others with cones encapsulating pine nuts we  harvest in season, the fall.

"They still bear fruit in old age;" 

Psalm 92:14

God's creation picturing my heart - to still bear fruit in old age.

"The righteous flourish like the palm tree and grow like a cedar in Lebanon.

They are planted in the house of the LORD: they flourish in the courts of our God.

They still bear fruit in old age; they are ever full of sap and green,

to declare that the LORD is upright;

he is my rock, and there is no unrighteousness in him."

Psalm 92:12-15 

What atmosphere fuels your creativity?

What are your pre-requisites?

What is your heart's desire?

How are you living that out?

* I penned my first poem at The Sanctuary. It carries an important message if you desire to stay ever green.

Red Hot Buttons

It happened again.

The old familiar cycle repeated itself A-GAIN!

So frustrating. Why can't I break this pattern?

The circumstances may be different; the contexts may be different; the pattern is the same.

Atychiphobia strikes again!

At least in my eyes.

Her husband commented to her, When we go to visit your family in the city, you always turn into a different person. I guess I'm not the only one.

A few months ago while visiting my extended family, it happened. That is sometimes fertile ground for my atychiphobia. But truly I've experienced many other contexts as well where my victim-hood shines, I'm not good enough.

Over the years I've tried different methods to reach my good enough goal. What outfit might be just right for this occasion? How should I style my hair? What thoughts should I offer for this dilemma - what would sound really wise? 

It boils down to people pleasing, and the cycle begins.

It starts with this unhealthy self thought, I'm not good enough. This is the fuel the feeds the cycle.

But I can handle this, I think. I review Psalm 139, "I am fearfully and wonderfully made." (verse 14)

But even that truth is not quite enough.

I hide my feelings and paste on a smile.

I take cover away from others trying to erase my reality and protect myself.

These resistance techniques are digging me deeper into despair.

Now I'm tempted to act out, No, I DON'T want to go shopping with you. No, I DON'T want to go to that meeting.
 
I justify that decision. I need time and space to lick my wounds.

Blame is easy, they really don't know me and my opinions are not important to them anyway.

The shame sets in. I'm a mature woman. I should know better than to be acting so foolish.

Truly I'm not good enough. 

My hope that it will ever change vaporizes.




And round and round the cycle I go.



David's cry in Psalm 30:2 gave me words, "O LORD my God, I cried to you for help, and you have healed me." I prayed for God to heal ... or at least give relief from this damaging cycle. Hope begins to surface. Awareness is huge.

1. Remember and review my primary identity, the beloved child of God. Be on the offense.

"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us ...

called children of God ... exactly who we are."

I John 3:1, The Message

2. Remember and review God's personal whispers to me concerning atychiphobia. Be on the defense.

"Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you,

and before you were born I consecrated you."

Jeremiah 1:5

3. Be humble enough to invite my community, a few trusted friends to 'come with me', when I know atychiphobia could be knocking at my door. Ask them to pray; ask them to text scriptures. 

"But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light,

we have fellowship with one another,

and the blood of Jesus his son cleanses us from all sin."

I John 1:7

"Therefore confess your sins to one another

and pray for one another, that you may be healed.

The prayer of a righteous person has great power and is working."

James 5:16

I'm thinking, this is the way of escape.

"Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall.

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man.

God is faithful,

and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability,

but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape,

that you may be able to endure it."

I Corinthians 10:12, 13 (bolding mine)

Reviewing truth, walking in the light, inviting community - these are life-giving principles to overcoming atychiphobia. 

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity,

but of power, love, and self-discipline."

II Timothy 1:7 NLT 

Memorial Day - the first picnic and parade and celebration of summer. Enjoy.

Summer is the beginning of a different schedule for Bill and me. Since I was 5 years old, my calendar rotated with the traditional school year.

Summer always brought a slower pace, a time for family, a time for camping, a time for rejuvenation.

This week, please enjoy a guest post by my husband Bill. When I read it, I knew I wanted to share it. It was just what I needed and thought it might help you too. 

Bill also posts each Thursday. You may want to make his blog, Laying It Down, part of your Thursday reading. The address is billtell.com or if you prefer, just click here.

Three Ways Hurry Hurts Me…and You!

Posted on February 18, 2016 Written by Bill Tell

Performance driven Christians live in a continual state of anxiety and fear. How? By hurrying. We have so much to accomplish so God is pleased with us we push the accelerator to the floor. We live by the lie that busyness equals importance…that my accomplishments create my identity and my value to God lies in my usefulness.
I learned the hard way the destructiveness of busyness. Here are three lessons living at warp speed taught me. I have more I will share later.

• Busyness is the enemy of my soul. Lance Witt says, “You can’t live life at warp speed without warping your soul.” Not only do I desperately need time with God, Jesus wants time with me. He tells me he no longer knows me as his servant, but as his friend. He has made a fire on the beach and wants me to come sit with him (John 21), and just “Be still and know I am God” (Psalm 46:10).

• Busyness is the enemy of friendship. Hurry always hurts relationships. Always. Hurry is a “Hi, how are you” without stopping where you are going. Hurry is texting while listening. Hurry is scheduling five minutes between appointments. It’s not building in a buffer to have time for people. It creates resentment. It demeans and hurts. Hurry believes there is no meaning in the present, only in the next thing I have to do for God.

• Busyness is the enemy of love. A common closing blessing in many churches is taken from Numbers 6:26, “The Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.” This means he takes time to stop and look right at us…full in the face. He takes time to pay attention…to our joys, our hurts, our concerns, our anxieties. In His stopping we know we are important – we are loved…and in His stopping we find peace.

“God takes the time to do everything right – everything” (Isaiah 30:18, The Message). May we do the same.

QUESTION: Where do you need to slow down? How will you do that? Is there someone you need to turn your face toward?

ACTIONS: Become a part of our blog family and become a subscriber – it will help you slow down. Then share this with a busy friend.

NEW!  Starting this coming Monday, visit my “Monday Quotes” page. I’ll share with you the best of the best quotes I have journaled over the years that help me live in the freedom of the gospel and that I regularly take time to review.

He Holds My Hand

2016 opened a new chapter of my journey. Friend after friend after friend met Jesus face to face. My wonderings, my curiosity, my trust about heaven was stirred, a good thing.

Jerry Bridges titled his memoir, God Took Me By the Hand. Apt words for me as I've pondered familiar scriptures expanding my thoughts of heaven.

I'm overwhelmed a-GAIN by the love of God

His nickname is Doubting Thomas. His faith challenged when his friends tell him they have seen Jesus after the resurrection. He retorts, "I won't believe unless I see the nail wounds in his hands ..." John 20:25 NLT

Jesus submits to his request.

Jesus has visible wounds AFTER his resurrection! Doesn't the Bible teach that our resurrected bodies will be new, whole, healed, well? It appears Jesus is an exception.

Wayne Grudem in Systematic Theology says, "The scars from Jesus' crucifixion are unique ...The fact that he retains those scars does not necessarily mean that we shall retain ours" page 616.

I wonder, if Thomas was the only one to ever want proof of Jesus' crucifixion by seeing the scars, would those scars have remained just for Thomas?

Yet those scars testify to us as well of God's amazing love, love big enough to send his son to the cross so we could have a relationship with him.

Inner Renewal

My friend Larry met his Savior face to face on March 6. As a result of a horrendous car accident 39 years ago, Larry suffered a closed head injury that defined the rest of his days. Although his physical capacity (his outer self) was forever changed, it was obvious that his inner self was the same and being renewed. He loved God and his family and because of the few words he spoke, I believe he knew God loved him, his inner self not hampered by his broken body.

II Corinthians 4:16, 17, "... though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal."

Jesus never leaves us ... He takes us by our hand

Psalm 23:4 speaks of walking through the valley of the shadow of death. Physical death, our doorway to heaven. The Psalmist declares, "I will fear no evil," Why? "Because you (God) are with me."

Hebrews 13:5 referencing Joshua 1:5, "I will never leave you ..."

God never ever leaves His beloved children! Never!

In the opening verses of John 14, Jesus tells us that he is preparing a place for us in his Father's house. When that place is prepared he will personally escort us there. (verse 4)

Even in those moments as we pass from our earthly life, Jesus has our hand. Never are we away from his presence.

"Now to him who is able to keep you from stumbling

and to present you blameless

before the presence of his glory with great joy,

Jude 24

Forgiveness and the Child of God

(The sentence I cannot agree with in the above quote is "the forgiving free spirit of children is our true nature." If it said that forgiveness is part of our nature as children of God then I would agree.)

It happened in the '80s. I remember the feelings it conjured up as if it were yesterday. We carpooled together, my friend and I, their two daughters, our two sons. Most of the time without incident.

But then there was this one day, and one disagreement leaving two estranged friends. Oh, it takes so little.

I laid on my bed and sobbed. She was a good friend; friendship is important to me. But I couldn't get past the hurt. Left up to myself, the pit was too deep.

Thankfully, God did not leave me up to myself. He brought another along side; another who was un-involved; another who loved enough to get involved and lead me to truth. This time it was my husband.

Sue, is this hard worth losing your friend over? His simple nine word question was the beginning of the turn.

Finally, repentance came, forgiveness happened, and a friendship was restored.

Why is it so hard to repent and forgive?

My identity is at stake. Is this how a child of God behaves? My behavior and my incorrect theology are in conflict. As a beloved child of God, I still sin.

Pride. Repentance calls for me to agree with God for my piece of this mess. Asking forgiveness puts me at the mercy of the other. I forfeit control to God and my friend - that calls for humility.

Fear. that my asking for forgiveness will not cure the issue. What if this wrong is held over my head? Will this incident always defines our friendship?

Shame. Admitting my wrong means to admit something is wrong in my thinking or in my perspective. Is our friendship worth being the wrong one?

Stubbornness. Faulty thinking gets faultier and faultier the more I try to make it look different.

Trust. In my pride, my fears, my shame, and my stubbornness the common thread is I am not trusting God!
 
    And the question became, how can I invite God in and trust him with this mess?

"O God, you know my folly;

the wrongs I have done are not hidden from you."

Psalm 69:8

Author and blogger, Ed Cyzewski writes, 

"Perhaps this Psalm comes as bad news to some. Some may read this as a kind of “surveillance God” peering into our lives, seeking any kind fault or reason for judgment or exclusion.

However, what if God’s awareness of our hidden faults is the best kind of good news, the good news we all need. Jesus spoke of himself as a doctor who has come to heal, and the prophets are filled with accounts of God mourning that Israel will not turn back to him.

What if God is a lover who sees our foolishness and faults and still remains enamored with us? God sees our secret sins and wants nothing more than our healing and redemption.

There is grace and mercy for us before we even acknowledge our failings. In many ways, confession is more for us than it is for God. Confession convinces us that God has known who and what we are all along and still wants to call us his beloved."

Me and my good friend Barb, April 2016.

"Therefore confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working."

James 5:16

My Mother's Heart

Mom and Me, May 2016

Views in Mom's neighborhood

 My Mother's Heart knows no age,

Inside she's still the same.

Her 96 years may show their ware,

But who she is does not change.

Mom loves her daughters, all 4 of us,

And wants the best for each.

She still wants to spoil; she still wants to treat,

Her strengths even stronger through the years.

As Mother's Day comes again this May,

I pause and ponder in wonder ...

My Mom is special.

My Mom is unique.

She lives who God created her to be.

So, Mom my prayer for you these days

is summed up in Moses's words ...

"May the LORD bless you

and protect you.

May the LORD smile on you

and be gracious to you.

May the LORD show you his favor 

and give you his peace."

Numbers 6:24-26, NLT 

My personal favorite

Barbara, me, Sara, Mom, Penny

 

One-Upping and The Gospel of Grace

My friend Carolyn

Welcome to a special Echoes of Grace. My friend Carolyn Eden and I collaborated on this post.Thank you Carolyn.

And thank you to Julie Breuninger and her words in Velvet Ashes on one-up-man-ship that stretched my understanding of this concept. 









Our words were friendly enough.
The conversation flowed easily - perhaps too easily.
It was subtle; not until I left and thought about it did I realize the one-upping.

An opportunity to affirm turned to competition. Woe to me!

(Not the real conversation, but similar. You'll get the gist).
Hey Carolyn, thank you for dropping this off at church for me today.
No problem. I'm going to an important leadership meeting anyway.
I'd do it myself, but I need to bring lunch to Sandy.
I'm busy too. My year end Bible study brunch is this week. Twelve ladies is a squeeze even in my dining room.
Oh, and I was asked to help with a reception at church on Saturday. It was already a full weekend, but ...
We're hosting a missionary couple who are coming to town. They always stay with us. Clean the guest room again!

One-up-man-ship - the art or practice of outdoing or keeping one step ahead

of a friend or competitor. 

        

Do you see what is happening in the above exchange? We both are set on being the important one. The conversation overflowed with one-upping. We were not trusting Proverbs 11:25, "Whoever brings blessing will be enriched, and one who waters will himself be watered." When I bless, God is able to enrich. One-upping not necessary.

This imaginary conversation could have been true. Both of us are committed to our friends and our local church. Both of us have strengths in hospitality and keep our guest rooms ready and clean towels in the bathroom.

Because we have much in common, we are more susceptible to one-upping.

Stewarding our gifting in serving ... even with words ...  is living God's grace. Thank you Peter for that reminder. I Peter 4:10.

Instead the conversation highlighted our insecurities. We spoke as though our involvements equaled our significance. NOT TRUE!

We needed  to cast our gaze on God to affirm our significance, the very significance he created in us, but we were silently begging the other to notice and affirm. BAD IDEA!

The unspoken desire actually accomplished the opposite - igniting the neediness of the other.

Paul reminds of the words of Jesus, "It is more blessed to give than to receive."  Acts 20:35. Most often I hear this reminder in terms of monetary giving. But could it not also refer to the giving of words of blessing and encouragement?

We don't need to one-up to prove our worthiness

or highlight our significance.

We were significant enough for Jesus to go to the cross for us.

And because of the cross, "Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand ..." Romans 5:2. 

"When I am living in God's grace,

I receive all the validation I need from Him."

Julie Breuninger 

Our listening was thwarted. Instead of blessing the serving of the other, we felt the need to insert ourselves into the story and be the important one.

We were acting as though our reputation was at stake in our doings. 

Our reputation is God's responsibility. Our part is to live out who God created us to be. Perhaps we were doing that with our serving and our hospitality. But the emphasis in our words highlighted the one-upping.

Do you hear the pride? Reading even the pretend responses was mortifying!

God exhorts through Peter to humble ourselves and allow Him to exalt. Never are we called to exalt ourselves. I Peter 5:8. One-upping is exalting self.

"If you want to really experience the flow of love as never before,

the next time you are in a competitive situation,

pray that the other around you will be more outstanding, more praised, and

more used of God than yourself."

Dallas Willard

"Grace liberates us to serve one another without the burden of competitiveness."

Julie Breuninger 

"Therefore encourage one another and build one another up ..."

I Thessalonians 5:11

"Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, 

but in humility count others more significant than yourselves."

Philippians 2:3 

When do you find yourself vulnerable to one-upping?

What helps you experience God meeting your significance needs?

What does living in the environment of grace look like for you?